


Your Wandering Mind Orbiting Mine

by bugles



Series: Eternity Again [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13425711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugles/pseuds/bugles
Summary: The first thing Nott does when she wakes, is drink.“This early?” her companion asks, a note of concern in his voice. He tips his near-empty plate over hers, allowing extra slices of bacon to fall into her pile. “I know you’ve always been a bit… anxious, friend. This seems like another level of self-medication.”





	Your Wandering Mind Orbiting Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1 of Eternity Again can be read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13374105).

The first thing Nott does when she wakes, is drink.

“This early?” her companion asks, a note of concern in his voice. He tips his near-empty plate over hers, allowing extra slices of bacon to fall into her pile. “I know you’ve always been a bit… anxious, friend. This seems like another level of self-medication.”

Nott pulls the flagon away and wipes her mouth on the back of her hand. She suspects he’s right, but coping with her situation becomes significantly easier when she’s had enough drinks to qualify as sloshed.

“I’m alright, Caleb. Promise, I am. Don’t worry about me.” Her hand reaches for the bacon next. She bites into a piece as Caleb side-eyes her from across the table. “It’s just been rough some days. Lots of bad memories creeping up.”

“That doesn’t sound like you’re alright,” Caleb counters, leaning forward onto the table. “You know you can talk to me about this, if you want.”

Nott knows this, and she smiles at him slightly. Only a hint of her sharp teeth show.

“’Course I can,” she says. “But I won’t.”

\---

_Goblins everywhere. Raping. Killing. Ripping out innards and playing with the entrails. Screaming. Crying. Mama lying on the ground. A goblin approaching with a knife. With a taunt. With a smile._

She cries when she wakes, digging clawed fingers into her green skin.

\---

Nott pulls the hood of her cloak over her head as they exit their quarters. Beside her, Caleb kicks the door shut and offers his hand for Nott to take. She doesn’t always accept it, but they’ve come to a new town now. They could both use the comfort.

“Do you think things’ll be different here?” She asks, yellow eyes hopeful as she looks up to him. “I mean, I know goblins have caused folk a lot of trouble, but that doesn’t mean it’s what we all do. I’ve been working on not taking things so much. Really, I have.”

Caleb squeezes her fingers as they begin to descend the staircase.

“You’re getting better,” he encourages, rather than answer the question.

“Thanks,” Nott squeaks, and smiles behind her mask. “Think it helps to have something extra shiny of my own to look at from time to time. Makes it easier not to want to take more.”

“Then it was worth buying you that necklace,” Caleb says. “Pretty necklace for a pretty girl.”

Nott reaches to the front of her tunic where the dragontooth necklace lies hidden beneath the fabric. She can feel the warmth of it against her skin, constantly emitting a soft glow from some old enchantment. This is her comfort.

“Goblins aren’t pretty,” she tells him, very matter of fact. “They’re hideous. Most don’t even bother with mirrors. I didn’t know I had spots until I met you—“

“We call them freckles,” Caleb says, voice dry.

“Right, well they’re just spots on me. Couldn’t believe it. No wonder Puddle and Pitts thought I had some sort of disease.”

They reach the bottom of the stairs. Caleb leads them towards the front and Nott lowers her voice, prattling on as if they had never left their room. She prefers the noise to silence, even if that noise is her own squeaky voice.

“Did I tell you about them?” She asks, not waiting for a reply. “They were my brothers, or something like that. Said they were. You’re never really sure with goblins on account of most of them are liars. Those two were right miserable unless they were spitting on that halfling that came by to do trade now and then…”

A man in deep magenta robes greets them at the front of the inn. Caleb pays for their room without comment, and when the tall stranger looks to Nott, she shuffles carefully behind Caleb’s leg.

“She shy?” The man asks. Caleb stiffens, then raises his gaze to the man’s eyes.

“She doesn’t do well with strangers.”

It is true. Nott doesn’t mind Caleb speaking for the both of them when she isn’t yet comfortable enough to pipe up.

“Right,” the man says, warily skeptical. “Might want to toughen her up then. These parts don’t see many of her kind.”

Caleb opens his mouth to object, but the man continues.

“You can pass her off as your own if you want to be safe. Just make sure her ears are hidden.”

Nott feels her heart skip a beat, and she quickly reaches to her hood to tug it further forward.

“Alright,” Caleb says, the hostility in his voice lessening. “I thank you for the advice.”

“Be careful out there.”

They leave, Nott’s heart pounding in her ears every step on the way out.

\---

_Dead little gnome girl. Dead little human girl._

_Is that my baby girl?_

_\---_

She likes the harder stuff now. Ale is alright for the morning, but she does shots as soon as she can weasel her way into a tavern.

Caleb carries her back to their room afterward. Nott mumbles her thanks multiple times along the way.

“You could have picked up another hobby,” Caleb suggests. “Knitting. That’s the stuff. Have you tried knitting?”

Nott rests her head against his chest. He wouldn’t carry her anywhere if she knitted.

\--

 _If you really respected me, you wouldn’t pick me up like some sort of dwarf!_  
  
_That's not the first upside down elf man kiss I've ever had._  
  
_It’s all shitty, so it just depends on how you look at it._  
  
\--

 “Caleb,” she asks. “Do you have any children?”

Caleb throws his head back and laughs, truly laughs. It takes him a moment before he can answer her.

“No, Nott. I don’t.”

“Are you sure?” Nott presses, speeding up her pace to walk beside him. “Because you wouldn’t always know, would ya? It’s like that with boys sometimes.”

“I promise I know,” Caleb says, and Nott is relieved to see he’s still smiling.

“Alright,” she huffs. “But if you found out you did, it wouldn’t make you a bad person or nothing.”

Caleb actually stops, turning to her with a furrowed brow. It’s an expression that demands an explanation. Nott looks away demurely, fumbling for the words.

“We just passed some kids, is all,” she lies quietly. “Just thought it might be nice to have some around.”

Caleb doesn’t seem to buy it, but he shakes his head and doesn’t ask any more questions.

They keep walking.

\---

_You have no boundaries._

_\---_

Nott can hide in a bookstore. Nobody pays attention to the people, just the books. She likes to read beside Caleb. Sometimes he puts an arm around her when it’s particularly cold. Sometimes she turns the pages for him if they both want to read the same book.

She is still learning the ways of the world. This seems like the safest way to do it.

The book she’s chosen today is a fairytale. It’s about a young lord whose family was killed. An evil woman took over his castle, enslaved his last remaining living family member, and haunted the man for years until he finally returned to his people.

She doesn’t normally like scary stories, but it’s a difficult book to put down. It’s touching, and oddly silly in parts. She finds herself smiling when one of the young lord’s smallest traveling companions talks about her love for Sarenrae. Nott hasn’t heard of that Goddess. She wonders if the book made her up.

“Time to go, Nott.”

She closes the book, holding it to her chest as she goes to see him.

“Might want to keep this,” she says quietly, “Could you get it for me?”

Caleb takes the book from her, examining the cover as she begins to dig through her purse. She finds a few bronze coins and a piece of old candy. It’s barely enough to afford their room tonight. She’ll need to snatch a few more coins just to ensure it.

“Sorry,” she says quickly, shaking her head back and forth. “Nevermind. Don’t think I’ll finish it anyway. Stupid idea. Sorry. I’ll go put it back.”

“Nott—“

She snatches the book back before Caleb can argue, darting to the bookshelf where she had found it. The open slot is still there, and she reaches to her tiptoes to slide it back into place. 

Only she can’t, because _the itch_ is there. Because she has never wanted anything more in her life, and everything she has worked so hard for has come down to this moment of finding treasure in this lovely little storybook.

She wants it. She needs it. It's _wonderful._

The shopkeeper is speaking to a young halfling behind a bookshelf. Deftly, Nott pulls the book back and slides it beneath her cloak in a practiced motion. There’s a thrill to the action, and a great relief. She jogs back to Caleb once she feels the placement is secure.

“I’m ready to go now, Caleb.”

Caleb raises his eyebrows at her, but they still hold hands as they exit.

“So much for working on not stealing things,” he says later, more amusement than judgement in his voice. She pulls the book from her cloak and begins riffling through the pages.

“Had to,” she says stubbornly. “Think I finally found something with a happy ending.”

“Or at least a good story before bed.”

Caleb raises his arms above his head in a Frumpkin-like stretch. Nott flips through another few pages before she stills, small fingers hovering over text.

“I don’t know why I do it,” she admits, the ever-present shake to her voice even more pronounced. She feels the weight of guilt in her throat. “I just do. I just need things. I don’t even know what it is I want.”

“It’s alright Nott,” Caleb says, a fondness to his voice. He places a hand gently on her back. “I’d rather you end up with nice things than anyone else.”

\---

_You owe yourself far more than you lend._

**Author's Note:**

> [Is that my baby girl?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUXL--sSc3A&t=17000s) – Scanlan, episode 113 “The Final Ascent”  
> [If you really respected me, you wouldn’t pick me up like some sort of dwarf.](https://youtu.be/N7DuwqJtCGI?t=2h10m51s) – Scanlan, episode 85 “A Bard’s Lament”  
> [That's not the first upside down elf man kiss I've ever had.](https://youtu.be/L4Sb53wvbKI?t=3h18m57s) – Scanlan, episode 76 “Brawl in the Arches”  
> [It’s all shitty, so it just depends on how you look at it.](https://youtu.be/hDna8fLnR3E?t=1m44s) – Scanlan, episode 45 “Those Who Walk Away”  
> [You have no boundaries.](https://youtu.be/jOtTt9bVeZw?t=15m51s) – Kaylie, episode 38 “Echoes of the Past”  
> [You owe yourself far more than you lend.](https://youtu.be/Wl1Oi8Rbc1s?t=1h33m57s) – Mistress Ioun, episode 106 “The Endless Atheneum”  
> 


End file.
